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Happy 18th Birthday


Today is Sarah's 18th birthday, or it would be if she were here. This is actually the last photo ever taken of her, one hour before the accident. I've spent a lot of time stifling my feelings--I just don't have time to get emotional. But I can't help missing her every day and thinking about her whenever no one is around and I'm left with just the silence.

I still try to call her almost every day. I long so much to hear her voice and see her smile. She really had the most beautiful smile anyone has ever seen.

If she were here today she would have had a huge party at the beach, grass skirt and all. She would have had a huge crowd there and everyone would have gotten her a cool present--people loved to give her things because she made them so happy.

I would have gotten her a Kathy Van Zeeland purse from QVC. Probably a purple one.

I can't describe the pain of being without her. But I can describe the happiness in knowing we will be together forever someday. I know she is with Heavenly Father and that her cares are minimal, that she is not in pain and that she is free from the sorrows of the world. I dream about her almost every night, and I always try to stay asleep so I won't wake from the dream of hugging her or talking with her.

Sarah, I love you. Happy birthday. You affect me every single day. As I promised you almost a year ago on that fateful morning, I will continue to live my life as a tribute to your memory. You are my angel.

Comments

Stephanie said…
Jenn, that is sweet. I know this day will be even more difficult for you and it is okay to get emotional. If there is anything that can be done to help let me know. I cannot imagine the pain you feel being without your sister. Happy 18th Birthday Sarah.
June 14, 2009 at 9:00 AM
J and H Hunsaker said…
How precious. you truly are an angel :)
June 15, 2009 at 2:27 PM
Analisa-creator of hairblingzcutethings said…
that was so sweet. I'm so sorry you are still hurting so much. I think it's always hardest losing someone young and so unexpectedly. Please know i'm here if you ever need to talk and it's ok that you miss her still. You are a wonderful sister and you know she is watching over you! hang in there.
June 15, 2009 at 6:38 PM
Jaime said…
Happy Birthday Sarah!!

I have been thinking about you and Sarah a lot lately. I lost my baby on Sarah's birthday so maybe they met each other in heaven. I am so sorry that you have so much pain and I wish I could take some of it away. Just know that I love you and you are not alone. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met.
June 16, 2009 at 8:20 AM
Dara McFarlane said…
You're so amazing, Jenn! The Sound Of White - by Missy Higgins always brings me such comfort and reminds me of my Grandma Jenna Lee when I'm having a hard time.
June 28, 2009 at 10:53 AM
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