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What the heck is wrong with me

Ok, so I'm either depressed or I'm just lazy or something. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me today. Or this week.

Christmas wasn't Christmas. There was nothing Christmasy about it. Every book I try to read (with one exception) is completely boring. I'm not hungry but I'm eating too much. At least that's what my stupid doctor told me yesterday..."Oh wow, you've put on some extra weight, haven't you?" Thanks. That's nice. I'm glad you are making thousands of dollars off me while simultaneously exploiting my insecurities.

I've been on vacation for 2 weeks and I have accomplished nothing. I had grand plans. I was going to be productive and successful. So far, I'm still in my bathrobe.

My favorite songs come on the radio and I just tell them to shut up and I turn the radio off.

And what's the deal with going to the bathroom when you are pregnant. It is impossible to wipe. Ok that's gross but it's true. I can't even reach anything or see anything I used to be able to reach and see. And what the heck am I complaining about--every female goes through this.

My life seems like a series of empty days hurling toward a goal that may or may not come--the baby's birth still seems abstract and unrealistic. I can't wait for him to be born yet at the same time I don't believe he will be born. Yet in the meantime, I just wake up, work (or don't work), clean (or don't clean) my house, eat (too much) and then go to sleep (too early). Even video games aren't fun anymore.

I just picture when Tyler is born everything will magically change. My life will have purpose (don't get me wrong, I still have a testimony and I'm grateful for my life. I just have nothing exciting going on currently).

Ok I shouldn't even post this. It sounds ridiculous. Oh well.

Comments

J and H Hunsaker said…
Believe me you have every right to feel this way. It is completly normal. Things will get better once he is here. Buck up lil camper :)
January 1, 2009 at 7:31 PM
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