One year ago right now, Sarah was getting off work and heading out with her friends. She had no idea it would be for the last time. They went to IHOP and took silly pictures making fun of her top lip (she thought she had no top lip).
She laughed so hard she cried, tears even fell onto her jeans.
She had just dyed her hair black, she had it curly that night. She was wearing one of her favorite shirts and her favorite diamond earrings our mom got her.
Clark and Kyle thought it would be a good idea to race each other and since my sister didn't bring her car that night (it was parked at Starbucks to save on gas) she waited patiently in Geoffrey's truck while Kyle and Clark raced. Kyle in his mommy's BMW and Clark in his daddy's Corvette. Dumb boys with their parents' cars--way too much horsepower for children to handle. Obviously.
Kyle won the race and my sister declared she would get to ride back to Starbucks with the winner now that the races were over. But then she remembered Kelly had a crush on Kyle and so she quickly gave up her seat in the winning car to let Kelly and Kyle have some "alone time". She left her purse in Geoffrey's truck and took her seat in the Corvette with Clark.
While they were driving along, Clark got the idea that he'd try to pass Kyle on a two lane windy 35 mph country road-- a dark, curvy street with no lights, no side rails, and not much visibility. I'm sure my sister was begging him to slow down before he ever reached 140 miles per hour. The witnesses say they saw a large flash and then heard screeching as they saw the car go way too fast around a sharp turn and drive up the cyclone fence which stood between the road and the parallel freeway. The car flipped over and slid on the convertible roof for hundreds of feet before coming to a stop. Some of the tires were found rolling half a mile down the road. The car was in pieces, it was unrecognizable. Geoffrey drove to catch up and then ran over to what was left of the car and said he heard nothing from inside. He called 911. They took a while to respond.
The crash was around 1:00am August 12, 2008. My phone rang around 4:00am, and I missed it. I couldn't figure out why my phone was ringing in the middle of the night. When I saw it had been my mom I remembered how the night before I told Erik that my worst fear in the world would be losing Sarah.
I called my mom back immediately. She was crying and I asked her what was wrong. She wailed "Sarah died." Through her hysterics I could barely make out the words. I asked her to repeat herself. I remember telling her, "You're lying! You're lying!" I didn't believe a word she was telling me. Then I just started screaming. She told me the police were there and they had Sarah's belongings when I insisted it must be some mistake. Erik got up and came to see what was wrong, thinking something must have been wrong with the baby. He calmed me down and I immediately called Jaime who came over and sat with me while I made my airline reservations.
The next few days were a blur. I was pregnant, exhausted and numb to the world. I had to fly to California alone--Erik couldn't get off work for a few days. I walked through the airport with big dark glasses on, just daring anyone to mess with me. I was crying silently, willing this whole mess to be just some bad nightmare. Picturing the accident and trying to tear myself away from the news which showed horrific pictures and terrible details. Not to mention quite a few people actually thought it was wise to email me the news story and photos of the wreckage.
I somehow planned the funeral, the burial, the viewing, and organized family and friends' visits and meals. The Relief Society was a big help, I can never repay them for their service. The funeral director called and told me I had to come down to see her because he didn't think a viewing was appropriate. Instead of take his word for it, my mom wanted confirmation, so apparently I was the one for the job.
Erik showed up and went with me to see her. It wasn't her, that's all I can say. I had them close the coffin and I watched my mom break down even more when I got home and told her the news.
We buried Sarah a few days later and reality finally started to set in.
Living without Sarah is like nothing I'd ever imagined. It's so different than losing a grandparent or even a parent (I've been through both of those). Time may heal but so far the wound is fresh. The biggest disappointment is knowing she had so many dreams and aspirations and her life was cut short by carelessness and cowardice, neither of which were through faults of her own.
Sarah was the most beautiful, intelligent, happy, helpful, smart, hard working, cheerful, funny, athletic, coolest person I've ever known. I know at least 1,500 people who agree with me. They say it was the biggest funeral the church had seen in 15 years.
I don't write this to get sympathy. Only to get it out and to warn whoever might be reading this to listen to the Spirit and stay away from dangerous situations. Also make sure your loved ones know you love them and never do anything you don't want to do. Speak up for yourself, be assertive and be home by midnight.
She laughed so hard she cried, tears even fell onto her jeans.
She had just dyed her hair black, she had it curly that night. She was wearing one of her favorite shirts and her favorite diamond earrings our mom got her.
Clark and Kyle thought it would be a good idea to race each other and since my sister didn't bring her car that night (it was parked at Starbucks to save on gas) she waited patiently in Geoffrey's truck while Kyle and Clark raced. Kyle in his mommy's BMW and Clark in his daddy's Corvette. Dumb boys with their parents' cars--way too much horsepower for children to handle. Obviously.
Kyle won the race and my sister declared she would get to ride back to Starbucks with the winner now that the races were over. But then she remembered Kelly had a crush on Kyle and so she quickly gave up her seat in the winning car to let Kelly and Kyle have some "alone time". She left her purse in Geoffrey's truck and took her seat in the Corvette with Clark.
While they were driving along, Clark got the idea that he'd try to pass Kyle on a two lane windy 35 mph country road-- a dark, curvy street with no lights, no side rails, and not much visibility. I'm sure my sister was begging him to slow down before he ever reached 140 miles per hour. The witnesses say they saw a large flash and then heard screeching as they saw the car go way too fast around a sharp turn and drive up the cyclone fence which stood between the road and the parallel freeway. The car flipped over and slid on the convertible roof for hundreds of feet before coming to a stop. Some of the tires were found rolling half a mile down the road. The car was in pieces, it was unrecognizable. Geoffrey drove to catch up and then ran over to what was left of the car and said he heard nothing from inside. He called 911. They took a while to respond.
The crash was around 1:00am August 12, 2008. My phone rang around 4:00am, and I missed it. I couldn't figure out why my phone was ringing in the middle of the night. When I saw it had been my mom I remembered how the night before I told Erik that my worst fear in the world would be losing Sarah.
I called my mom back immediately. She was crying and I asked her what was wrong. She wailed "Sarah died." Through her hysterics I could barely make out the words. I asked her to repeat herself. I remember telling her, "You're lying! You're lying!" I didn't believe a word she was telling me. Then I just started screaming. She told me the police were there and they had Sarah's belongings when I insisted it must be some mistake. Erik got up and came to see what was wrong, thinking something must have been wrong with the baby. He calmed me down and I immediately called Jaime who came over and sat with me while I made my airline reservations.
The next few days were a blur. I was pregnant, exhausted and numb to the world. I had to fly to California alone--Erik couldn't get off work for a few days. I walked through the airport with big dark glasses on, just daring anyone to mess with me. I was crying silently, willing this whole mess to be just some bad nightmare. Picturing the accident and trying to tear myself away from the news which showed horrific pictures and terrible details. Not to mention quite a few people actually thought it was wise to email me the news story and photos of the wreckage.
I somehow planned the funeral, the burial, the viewing, and organized family and friends' visits and meals. The Relief Society was a big help, I can never repay them for their service. The funeral director called and told me I had to come down to see her because he didn't think a viewing was appropriate. Instead of take his word for it, my mom wanted confirmation, so apparently I was the one for the job.
Erik showed up and went with me to see her. It wasn't her, that's all I can say. I had them close the coffin and I watched my mom break down even more when I got home and told her the news.
We buried Sarah a few days later and reality finally started to set in.
Living without Sarah is like nothing I'd ever imagined. It's so different than losing a grandparent or even a parent (I've been through both of those). Time may heal but so far the wound is fresh. The biggest disappointment is knowing she had so many dreams and aspirations and her life was cut short by carelessness and cowardice, neither of which were through faults of her own.
Sarah was the most beautiful, intelligent, happy, helpful, smart, hard working, cheerful, funny, athletic, coolest person I've ever known. I know at least 1,500 people who agree with me. They say it was the biggest funeral the church had seen in 15 years.
I don't write this to get sympathy. Only to get it out and to warn whoever might be reading this to listen to the Spirit and stay away from dangerous situations. Also make sure your loved ones know you love them and never do anything you don't want to do. Speak up for yourself, be assertive and be home by midnight.
Comments
I live near Castro Valley and when I heard about the accident last year, I was so saddened. I have thought many times about your sister this past year, and especially today. I didn't know her, but for some reason my heart holds her close to me. Then just a few days ago I came face to face with her boyfriend at PW Market when he was ringing me up and I could see the pain in his eyes. It became more real.
I happened upon your blog some time ago after leaving a condolence message on the legacy site and can tell from how you write about her that she was everything to you. I want you to know that reading about your relationship with her has made me want to fight to improve the relationship I have with my own sister - to repair the damage that has been there for so long. I often think about how devastated I'd be if she was taken from me and I never took the chance I had to fix things. So much wasted time. I'm not sure why you and your sister have stayed close to my heart this year, but I like to think that the relationship you two shared was to set an example of how sisters should really be. All I can say to you is thank you for sharing this part of your life, thank you for opening my eyes. And, I'm so sorry that you've experienced such pain at such a young age. It's amazing how much a complete stranger can have such an indelible impact on someone's life, and you two have done that for me.
All the best to you and may God heal the pain and loss you feel.
Thank you, from one sister to another.
Kelly
kellby247@aol.com
Thank you for your comment-- your sweet words moved me. It is so nice to know that my sister's memory has been able to touch lives, especially to help someone strengthen their relationship with their own sister.
I don't know what else to say but to thank you and encourage you to follow your heart in all you do. You seem like a wonderful person and I know the Lord blesses us when we do what is right. I hope you are able to patch things up with your sister and I hope that if you're ever in Seattle you look me up. We could have hot chocolate and talk about life.
Thanks again and good luck.
Jennifer Miles
I hate that this happened and I hate that you have to hurt everyday. I wish I could take away your pain and make everything all better. Obviously I can't do that. I know that your life will never be the same and the heartache will alwys be there and I am so , so sorry for that. I can't imagine having to go through what you have had to go through this last year. I am so sorry. Please know that I love with with all my heart.
your blog was so moving. i can't think of anything to say but i am so sorry. Sarah was amazing, i recognized that from meeting her just once, and her legacy has and will live on. I'm sure she's watching over you and wishing she could be with you just as badly as you wish you could be with her.